I have decided to fix my life in 3 easy steps.
Step 1: get rid of OHM. Done. I just need to file for divorce, but he is gone, out of my freaking life.
Step 2: Buy a new shiney, red car. Done. Last night. The coolest pontiac G3 in the joint. Not so bad for the payments. I can afford it and I just love the car.
Step 3: get a new freaking job. Still working on that one. It might take a while.
Ibthink you should be able to do anything in 3 easy steps. Hopefully this will be good for me.
So I have to drive through austell ga to get home everyday. Sometimes on Fridays I have to pick up pumpkin. Today was one of those days. We usually go out to dinner when I get him. Well he wanted macdonald’s today. While we were sitting there 2 women came in and got dinner. They worked at burger king and still had their uniforms
on.
Only in austell. Everytime we go out there is something crazy and random. You would think this would happen in paudling county, no austell.
Today would be my father’s 62nd birthday and my 3 year aniversary. My father died 5 years ago and I am divorcing my husband.
Today sucks.
I feel defeated. Defeated in everything. Life. Work. Everything.
What to do now?
How do you fix your life? Where do you start? I think I should start with a new job. I just hate to look for one and it is really hard to find one right now. Boo! I guess I will begin tonight.
And then maybe just the divorce. My soon to be ex-husband informed me today that he does not have money to pay for a lawyer and therefore the divorce. I guess it is all on me.
I just don’t know where to start.
I need to say goodbye to all the crap in my life that I don’t like. I need to say goodbye to OHM, my soon to be ex-husband. I need to say goodbye to the crappy place that I work at, but I must get a new job first. I need to say goodbye to the depression that has been plaguing me for a while. I have always masked it well. I need to say goodbye to this life that is not what I want it to be.
What do I want my life to be is now the question? I want to be somewhere fun, different. I want pumpkin to be happy, well taken care of and loved more then anything in the world.
I want a job with a better company. One that is not full of *ssholes and watches out for their employees and takes care of their employees. I want to not work with all women. They can be freakin’ b*tches.
I want a life in NYC. I have gone back and forth for several months now on this, but when I was looking at jobs in my field there were 500 in NYC and 20 in ATL. I think I should move. I hate doing hard stuff. I hate the stupid decision I have made in my life.
No more stupid decisions. No more f*ck ups. Only positive things that will help me in the long run and make me a better person. No more people in my life who aren’t good.
So yesterday, me and OHM really got into it. He is such an *ss. He was going on and on about how everything is my fault. You know, I have tried and tried to make it work and you f*cker have done nothing. You have always done whatever you want to do and you have always been an *ss to me. You ignore me most of the time and you do not help financially, ever though you think you do. In 2 years I have gotten maybe $5000 from you to help with the bills and pumpkin. I added it up the other and for just pumpkin, it should have been about $15,000. YOU ARE A DEADBEAT FATHER!!!!
I don’t understand how everything can be my fault. Yes I do get bitchy with you, but that seems to be the only way to get you to do what I need you to do. If I ask you to come and watch pumpkin, you show up when it is convenient for you. You have no respect for others. You live in your own little world where everything is about you and guess what the world does not revolve around you. IT REVOLVES AROUND PUMPKIN! For god’s sake you showed up 2 hours late to his 1st birthday party because the time was inconvenient for you. He was so freaking fussy when you finally got there. Guess what you are not invited to his 2nd birthday party, but your family is.
It is done, over and I want him out of my life, but I feel bad in some ways. He can not support himself nor can he take care of himself. I looked up divorces and an uncontested in GA is only $795, but we need to have an agreement on pumpkin. This will be a problem.
He was to go to INS today and he did. I did not. I really feel bad about that but you know he has done nothing for me and I have done everything for him. It is time for me to get rid of him. I do hope he will go away. I need him gone. I am tired of supporting him and myself and pumpkin. I need to take care of me and pumpkin. He needs to take care of himself.
I will be okay as long as he goes away. Stupid freaking jack*ss.
Casey Jones you better watch your speed.
Trouble ahead, trouble behind
And you know that notion has just crossed my mind.
I love the dead.
Caffeine coma. I did order decaf at Starbucks today. But it was totally not decaf.
I have to buy a new car. I think I am going to get a Pontiac G3. They are ultra cute and small. Just like I like my cars. Not looking forward to the car payment, but you know I always make everything work, so I shall be fine.
My life has gotten boring. Sorry. Not much I can do about that.
Later
So yesterday mother’s day I should have had a great day. OMH was to come by and let me go get my nails done and have some mommy time.
No he didn’t. I dealt with a screaming child all afternoon.
Today a beautiful bouquet of flowers. F*cking jack*ss. You should have been here yesterday.
I don’t think he really understands how mad I am at him and how much I am really over him. I think that he thinks he can still fix this. He should have tried to fix it 2-3 years ago, when it first broke. Now it is just to late.
Drink drank drunk
So I am on a mission to get drunk tonight and finally it has ocurred. I think I can spell. 5 glasses if wine and 2 sips of really nasty cider ( it was bad) I think I am drunk. I have to work tomorrow that will suck.
Alright nana is out of town. Party at my house!
I have been trying to work in my tolerance level for vegas, but I think that was a bad idea. I don’t want to have to pay allot for alcohol. But damn wine is sooooo good!
Ah f*ck I am out of smokes. Une momento sil vous palit. I think that is right. I so should leave the typos for tomorrow. I hate typing on an iPhone but I can’t smoke upstairs.
Yes I am a 30 year old smoker with a child don’t harass me I love to smoke and everyone has to die. I do not smoke around pumpkin that would be wrong.
On the 27th, it would be my dad’s 62th birthday and my 3 year aniversary. I miss my dad and hate my marriage. What does that say about me?
Why did I want to get drunk tonight? I love random drunkiness. Addiction runs in my family I need to be careful. You know I have done allot of drugs in my life and I am still not an addict. But I do worry allot about it. I mean if dck was on crack, my uncle a junkie and my grandpa an alcoholic where does that leave me? I can’t smoke and type weird! Tomorrow will suck balls! But who cares i am in a drunkin state.
Why do you have to pee so much drunk? It really sucks!
Nana is is in NYC right now so freakin’ jealous!
On high shcool I wrote intoxicated all the time. that doesn’t look right I wish this had spell check. I used to write f*cked up all the time and it was awesome but now I got nothing.
Sweet deliciousness of alcohol and the burn of smoke 2 of
My favorite things. Man I am going to be an addict soon I need to watch myself.
Why does
Alcohol make
Me
Happy it is a depressant. it slows down the brain and makes reactions
Slow and helps with depession but to me I get happy and don’t shut up. I need to drink around
People. Sleep or not to sleep? That is the question. I hate typing on a iPhone. Weird.
Mmmthinks I am witty. M-w thinks
I can write good. I don’t know. I have been thinking about the book allot. Should
I pull it out and try to type
It up and publish it? I wrote a whole f*ckin book and have donennothing with it. I really don’t remember what is in it. Or where it is? I should find it and
Look through it. What box is it in? Confused. I think I will go find it with another glass of wine.
The title sucks for this one but it made me laugh.
One of my brother’s friends relapsed. See DCK (my bro) is a recovering addict, so he knows alot of recovering addicts. A is his friend, for the purposes of this blog. (sidenote everyone is anonymous here).
DCK has been clean for 3 years now. It is really weird seeing my brother clean. He smoked crack for about 15 years. Somedays I am surprised he is still alive.
Well a week ago A crashes his car. He blacked out and no one could figure out how that happened. Today he was sent home from work because his boss thought he was acting weird. Then his boss found him out back of his work with a bag and a can of something. Huffing. He was taken to hospital. And he is probably going to jail.
A was painting the house for us. Mom had paired him most of the money. Thank god A’s girlfriend had the money. Mom is not screwed.
It is so sad to me. I know that they work so hard to get clean and then they relapse. They lose everything they have worked for.
Please keep A in your thoughts and hope that he gets the help he needs and gets back on track.
